Backpacker beauty

When it comes to levels of personal grooming I would put myself midway on the scale between Mary Beard and RuPaul.

If I see an article on ‘how to contour’ I’m more likely to think cartography than Kardashian. However, when I leave the house on a typical day I almost always use these products: cleanser, moisturiser, sunscreen, primer, foundation, powder, concealer, eyebrow pencil, eyebrow gel, mascara and lip gloss. If you’ve seen me in the flesh you’ll realise that all of this doesn’t even add up to ‘polished’, only ‘presentable’. I don’t do it for myself, my objective is not to frighten away my colleagues and any strangers I’m forced to interact with during the day.

A minimal packing approach is obviously not going to accommodate all of this, so the entirety of my backpacking beauty regime is as follows:

  • Blue Lizard SPF30 Facial Sunscreen
  • Simple Soap & muslin cloth
  • Kiehl’s Ultra Facial Cream
  • Diorskin Forever Perfect Cushion
  • Bobbi Brown Shimmer Lip Gloss
  • Tin of vaseline

I hope this low maintenance approach to my appearance will be liberating and if not, at least there won’t be many mirrors around. The Hmong people of northern Vietnam aren’t going to notice my complexion, I’ll be just another fat sweaty Westerner to them. I wonder if I should care what Bernd thinks but a) it’s 2017 and b) he knew what he was signing up for when he married me.

I’ll save my Cushion and Shimmer for the rare occasions when dinner isn’t eaten on the street and perhaps to visit dead leaders. I know the North Koreans would agree that Kim Il-sung and Kim Jong-il are “worth it”.

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